This post is written to Love.  I have a couple of questions for Love that I really need answered…

1. Why is it that the one I love, the one I’m in love doesn’t love me?

Now, I can accept that no one is perfect and that nothing is guaranteed, but for once, I’d like to have that “special” affinity for someone in particular and in return, they have it for me.  For once, I’d like to be the one that wins the game and gets the girl…#$%^^&!   Why!!!

2.  Why is it that instead, I attract the ones that I don’t want?

I’m not really all that picky…I mean the girl I want does exist.  I know it, I’ve met her, we’ve laughed together and she’s cried as she told me about the guy she wants that she can’t have, but will sleep with anyway. But, when you’re that guy, and you still want that other girl, it makes it all that much more difficult to justify anything.

So, I’m saying all this to say, I don’t know what to think…You’d think with all this social networking crap and the instantaneous connections the internet allows that you, Love, wouldn’t be so difficult to attain.  Yet, it seems like its just getting harder and harder to find you.  And when I hear, that !@#^&*  you’ll find me crap, I just wonder aloud, “where the !@#^$% am I hiding?”  I’m ready for you Love; I’m here, open, available and yet you can’t find me nor am I able to find you…I’m not desperate, I’m not willing to settle and times-a-waisting…I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold out…I need you to make a house call; just this once…I promise I won’t mess this opportunity up; I’ll cherish it, utilize it, wring every bit of umph out of it I possibly can, but I neeeeeeed you to hurry because I’m getting weak…

I have absolutely no idea…I’m not a celebrity/personality/athlete/reknown person in my particular field.  Nor have I done anything special or noteworthy.  I’m just a regular joe trying to make it from day to day…Naw, that’s kinda bs.  I’m not trying to just make it; I’m trying to blow it up!!!!  My favorite aspect of “Forrest Gump” is how close we all are to history.  We witness it everyday and yet we rarely take note of anything less than the “major” events.  I was talking to my mother today and I asked why her parents never got married and she told me that when she posed that question to my grandmother, she told her to go ask my grandfather and when she did, he told her vice-versa…Now, my grandfather’s dead and gone and my grandmother who has Alzheimer’s can’t answer the question…So, I’m stuck with the question of how that decision between my maternal grandparents has/hasn’t affected my life.  Furthermore, I often wonder how my dad’s parents divorcing when he was 16 affected his life outlook; in turn, affecting mine…Even still, I wonder how my pending divorce (2 weeks left!!!) will affect my daughter (step-daughter-I claim her even though she’s been the brattiest child/teenager I’ve ever met).  I guess I’m musing about choices, decisions, consequences and the repercussions they hold and whether or not it is possible to operate in life (without going crazy), analyzing choices and making decisions while bearing in mind the weight of the consequences of our choosing.  Forgive me for being so philosophical but one does have to wonder…Anyway, this is my first post-sooo I guess I’ll cover the basics.  By all accounts I probably should not be here.  I was born premature over 30 years ago.  I grew up the second of four children in a middle-class (what does that mean? Middle as compared to what? We’ll cover that tomorrow) suburb of Houston called Missouri City, Texas. My father was a Chemical Engineer (now he’s a contractor) and my mom was a stay-at-home mother (she still is).  I went to predominantly black public schools and didn’t get truly exposed to mainstream America until I attended the University of Houston-Central Campus (I flunked out-yet another story).  I’ve been in the financial services industry in various capacities for the last 15 years and now I’m on the verge of a mid-career change (again, how is this my mid-career? I feel like I’m just getting started!!!).  What am I going to do? I’m going to become an Attorney and a Neuroscientist.  Now I know, you’re thinking, how, why and everything else!  In time grasshopper, your eyes will be opened…Anyway, I attend an Ivy League school, I live extremely well, THANK YOU LORD!!! but again, I SHOULD NOT BE WHERE I AM TODAY!!! So, how did I get here?  Well we’re going to find out together…They (who?) say that hindsight is 20/20.  Therefore, my hope is that by examining where I’ve been, seeing where I am and taking you on the journey with me of where I’m going, we, together can figure out, how this all came to be.  I hope you enjoy the ride. Don’t forget to buckle your seatbelt. SAFETY FIRST!!!! Oh, by the way, if you’re one of those wisecracks who likes to just be negative simply for the sake of annoying people, please, bring it on!!!!!!!  My best friends are extremely cynical and I’ve had non-stop ribbing from them for last 15 years and really all of my life, so trust me, I can take it…Also, when you comment, it leaves a digital footprint, so if I really wanted to, I can find you and wreak havoc back on you…But, I’m not like that anymore so, you’re safe.  But, I do ask that for the sake of the kids, please keep the comments clean…I’m going to do my best to recite my memoirs with as much tact and gentlemanly umph as I can, so I would only ask that you do the same…One last thing, sorry this post was so long.  Its the initial one and I had to work my thoughts out since I didn’t really have anything to say; other than what I said.  I’ll try to keep future posts alot shorter, more frequent and more focused on the topic at hand-which is really whatever comes to mind.  Hey, it beats physically writing in a journal…At least this way, you can read it…Au revoir for now!

I’m here!!!  If nothing else this is a space to get out my thoughts, my frustrations, my observations of this crazy world we live in…Enjoy the ride!